If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
In America we eat man semen.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
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I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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