i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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