can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
