im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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