there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's never too late to be topless.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
