whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
