She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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