oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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