Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Operation Purity has been aborted
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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