Sry I called you an 8
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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