Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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