I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.