Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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