her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
