Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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