But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.