I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just threw up on my dentist
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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