Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
