the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
