He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
