And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
