we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
