Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
