I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
