You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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