Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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