In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
