i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
