11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
