I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
