Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
