The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
they need to just BURY HIM!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
