I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
