she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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