so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
