you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
