you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
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