My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
