just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
