Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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