Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
