just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
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I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
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No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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