We're like a lot better than the average bears
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
