what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
