I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
