Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
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Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
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My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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