I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
