i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
