girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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