Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
