i wish my penis had a tongue
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
