Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
