i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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