guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
