I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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