omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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