dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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