Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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