There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
