this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
