I don't usually arrange sex via text message
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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