If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
