we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I will be naked everywhere
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
