____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
