and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize