I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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