Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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