some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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