Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
