dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
