You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
