is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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