So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
