seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
