I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
