even my farts smell like vagina
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
