i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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