I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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