He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
