While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
