I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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